She Isn't Scary, She's Just a Little Girl

This entry is a take - off from this article from Huffington Post that I could absolutely relate to.  I'd recommend that you take the time to read it as well.  

Sometimes I can really be mean, especially when it has to do with defending the people that I care about.  During this particular incident, I was feeling evil.  Actually, I can blame the heat and fatigue on this one - after all, walking around campus under the mid-day sun, chasing after 2 children who want to go in different directions isn't exactly a calming experience - particularly if you've had little sleep the night before.  But if I had to be honest to myself, I know that these are but lame excuses for a situation that could have been handled better.  Lest I digress even further, let's go back to my original story....

Last week was the school fair of Kuya and as a tradition in their school, each class organizes a get-together for all the family members of each section.  That Saturday was our scheduled get-together (or salu-salo) so we brought Nina along so that she could also enjoy the different rides and game booths and meet her big brother's classmates as well.

Sometime that morning, Kuya and Dad were in line for the Octopus but Nina and I had to sit that one out (she wasn't allowed, and I am petrified of heights).  I decided to bring her around to check the tiangge stalls in the cafeteria but as we were going around, I noticed 3 boys (probably in Grade 3 or 4) in front of us who were looking and whispering to each other while pointedly looking at Nina.  

I was half afraid that they would say something mean but perhaps seeing that she was with an adult, they kept whatever it was they were saying to themselves.  Still, I couldn't help myself.  My evil twin reared its head and took over from where sensibility and tact decided to take a hike.  I could actually feel the hair at the back of my neck raising out of annoyance at these kids so in a voice loud enough for them to hear, I said:  "Look Nina, those boys are looking at you.  Say "hi" to them!"  

I meant to catch them off guard, and I probably did.  They moved away but continued whispering and looking back.  So I decided to trail them and then called the attention of the boy closest to me by lightly touching his shoulder (kalabit is a more accurate term except that there seems to be no appropriate english translation for it) and then called out: "You keep looking at her, do you want to say hi?"  Nina, say hi to them!"  

As expected, they ran off without a word.  1 point for mom!  I had a smug look on my face and my daughter... well let's just say that she was probably wondering what that was all about.  Thank God she was oblivious to what was going on.

In hindsight, I know I could probably have taken a more mature stance of dealing with it.  (Although I hope to God that He wouldn't think that I need more practice and send another similar incident my way anytime soon.)  Maybe when I get better hold of my temper or perhaps when I can see that my daughter would be capable enough of defending herself, I will be able to come up with a witty remark that would give us the reaction that we hope for. But for now, I am grateful that at this point, my daughter remains unaffected by the stares and whispers of other children.  Although I know deep in my heart that it won't be like this forever, I pray that in time, we will be able to mold her to be strong and confident enough in herself to rise above those challenges. .

Sometimes, we are caught off guard by the comments our children make, especially towards individuals with special needs.  As a parent, I know that I should always be on my toes, always be prepared to guide my kids in being polite and in not being judgmental.  

I echo what Alice Ann Meyer said in her article:

"If you are the parent whose child says another child looks funny or scary, don't simply say, "That isn't a nice thing to say." While you are right, it's not nice, simply saying that and walking away still isolates my child. The next time follow that statement up and tell your child, "I'm sure he's a very nice boy, let's go meet him." Please, come introduce yourself and ask my child's name. I assure you, we don't bite! My child is just like yours; he can be sweet, loving, throw temper tantrums, and be a handful. And I assure you, I am just like you; I am a parent learning my way through this.

If your child is curious and doesn't say anything mean but still notices he looks different, please, introduce yourself to us, ask us our names! Include my child in your world. I promise you, he's not scary, he's just a little boy."

In our case, she's just a little girl - pretty much like any 5 year old little girl that you may know of.  When you see us, say "hello" and do get to know Nina better.  You'd be surprised at how she can quickly capture your heart.

Of 6 year olds, Crushes and Marrying

I usually blog about Nina so this time, I'm giving a little cybertime to Kuya for a change.

Hubs and kuya returned from the annual field trip today and hubs had a lot to tell.  Normally, i am the one who usually goes with the kids since my schedules are more flexible.  But since my sister and I were scheduled to watch Wicked on stage and i wasnt sure if i could make it back in time, hubs ended up going with them instead (aside from the fact that Kuya said he wanted Dad to be the one to go with him).

Before i start with my story, let me give a little backgrounder first... Kuya's preschool actually belongs to an exclusive girl's school campus.  But because the neighboring all-boys school beside them did not offer pre-school courses, the administrators took the opportunity and made their pre-school co-ed.  So it goes without saying that most sections in the pre-school have more girls than boys.  And that is where i will begin my story.

Hubs told me that while the kids were wandering around the flower farm, a mother of one if Kuya's classmates approached him.  She casually mentioned that our son was known to kiss a lot of his female classmates.  Somewhat embarrassed with that revelation, hubs explained that we have been conditioning Kuya that the only females that he should be kissing are mommy and Nina.  Hubs further explained that Kuya has always been very affectionate to his little sister and his female cousins.  Apparently, the mom wasn't at all bothered by it and even said that her daughter "liked" it and that she had a crush on our son.  It appears that our little boy has his own following among the girls in the class, her daughter being one of them. The daughter apparently went on and declared to her mom that she liked Kuya because he was "so smart and that she wanted to marry him."  Thank God I wasn't there because i would not know how to react to something like that.  In  act even up to now, i still don't know how to respond to that.  It appeared to hubs that what the mom had to say was true because aside from the fact that the little girl kept following (and sometimes waiting) for them, while at the bus, kuya had a captive audience of 3 girls intently listening to his stories and laughing at his antics.  Uh oh....

My baby is a 5 year-old hearththrob.  A girl has declared her intentions of marrying him.  I am going over my head on this.  I am perfectly aware that this is nothing serious and that there is no reason for me to over-react.  Hey, they're just 5 aren't they?  Sure, but that that isn't my point.  When i was 5 the only things on my mind were playing and trying to get out of having to do schoolwork or chores.  The gender of the other kids that i played with were inconsequential/ignored and crushes, more so marriage, were all alien concepts to me.  What is happening to our children?  Why are their thoughts polluted with ideas of crushes and marriages?  Aren't they supposed to be innocent still at this age?  I know for a fact that during my time, crushes only became 'normal' when we were in the late elementary levels and in high school.  What happened between then and now?  

Media.  Yes, i blame the for robbing the innocence out of children - television commercials that focus on boys giving them more attention if the wear this, use that or even eat this particular brand, print ads that objectify women rather than focus on the product at hand... All these make it appear to our kids that its okay for them to act like adults, to behave the way adults do.  And in the course of that, they grow up much too fast and leave behind the childlike innocence that can only be found among them.  When you move the clock forward, you can never bring back the minutes and even the seconds that you lost in between.  There is no turning back.  

I know my son will eventually be the object of crushes by other girls, eventually he will probably find a girl whom he will shower with the same affection that he does for me and Nina.  But not now.  And perhaps maybe not in the next 5 years.  I want him to enjoy being a kid, being a child.  I want him to remain pure, unabashed, and untainted by commercialism and materialism for as long as it is possible.  Perhaps by that time, i will be prepared the next time a parent comes up to me and lets me know that her daughter is crushing over my son and has declared that she wants to marry him.

Dear Kuya

So you thought that Mommy’s blog would be all about Nina… well  think again!  I can’t let your let your 4th birthday go by without documenting it my usual mushy way so indulge me a little okay?

It’s  hard to believe how fast time flies and how quickly you are growing.  You used to be my baby but now you start to complain whenever I call you my baby.   Come to think of it, when it comes to Nina, you show us that you really are a big boy now.  We are so proud of how well you look out for your sister.  You’re doing a mighty fine job in being a Kuya.  Whenever I see how you attentive you are and how concerned you are for Nina’s welfare, I always have this great sense of pride blowing up in me.  Many times I’m tempted to point out what you do to other people and tell everyone else that you’re my son.  Thank you, for making us proud, for assuring us that you will always be there for your sister.  Just the other night, I saw you wake up in the middle of the night and place a blanket on your sleeping sister – now  else in the world can I find a 4 year old doing that?! 

We are also happy that you’re slowly learning to be independent by taking a bath without the help of yaya, or by brushing your teeth, drinking milk from a glass, and lately eating by yourself.   I also love the fact that you no longer have “accidents” in the evenings  (Tipid na kami ni Daddy sa pag-bili ng diaper).

This year, you showed Dad and Mom how active you can be but at the same time, you also showed us how obedient you can be at the same time.  I know I scold you a lot of times but it’s only because I want you to be safe especially since at this age, you still tend to cry whenever you get hurt or get into an accident.  You also did very well in school this year!  You made it to the top of your Nursery class and you didn’t give mom a hard time whenever study time came.  Congratulations, babe!  I’m amazed at how quickly you learn things (especially when you put your heart to it) although at times, I have to admit that I do get frustrated especially when you forget your lessons and would rather play than study. 

receiving his award for being top in his Nursery class

This year, you had a lot of favorites:  the Disney Cars characters (particularly Lightning McQueen – that’s you and Mater is Daddy’s character).  You’ve also been addicted to Angry birds (oh how you can play that game so well that you sometimes get more 3-stars than mom!).  You also like Thomas the Train, Kung Fu Panda (and you do a mean kungfu panda dance) but over everything else, you still love your Elephants!  And your favorite color this year is Red (actually it has been since you were small) but you love it now, more than ever to the point that your favorite bird in the Angry Birds game (on the ipod) is the red one.

When school opens this year, you’ll be going to a big school – Miriam.  It’s the same school of Ate Chawie and now, Kuya Migs will be going there as well together with Ate Abby.  It’ll be a big change for you but Dad and I decided to enroll you there so you would learn to be more independent and less clingy to mom.  I just know you’ll like it there.

So on this, your 4^th year… dad and I just wish that you would continue being as loving and as sweet as you are right now.  Stay as obedient as you are but please try to cry less often, okay?  Remember that Daddy, Nina and I love you a lot and that we will always be here for you.  Happy birthday, honey!  We love you very very much.

The Little Big Brother

This is Nina's big brother or "kuya".    I've always been proud of the fact that from the beginning he has always acted like a big responsible brother, always on the lookout for his baby sister.  There was one time when we had just woken up and he got down from the bed to go to his room to get his toys.  When he came back, he brought with him a toy for himself and another one for Janina!  (Without my even having to tell him to do so).

Sometimes when we're in the grocery, he would point to something and say "Gusto ni Nina yan" (Janina would like that.)  I know that at times, he merely projects what he likes and declares it as something that his sister would like but even during those instances, he would always offer it to his sister first.

One time while we were at school, his grandma gave him some Skyflakes to munch on.  He got one piece and when he was about to take another, I told him to finish off the first piece before getting another one.  He told me in a matter-of-fact tone, that the other cracker was for his dad.  True enough, he hung on to that piece until it was time for us to go home.  At that time hubs was on the night shift so when we got home, daddy was still asleep.  Kuya was so excited to wake up his dad just so he could give his "pasalubong".  When his dad was finally awake, he proudly presented the half eaten cracker.  Although kuya had wanted to finish the whole piece, he really tried to keep himself from eating it whole just so that he could give something to his dad.  Sweet right?

And it didn't end there.  Yesterday, I bought him a bag of peanuts.  Again he got some in his hand and declared that these were for daddy.  When we got home, I saw him holding on to one nut, nibbling on the skin.  I asked him why he didn't eat it and he said it was because for Daddy.

I don't know what we did to raise such a thoughtful young boy, I wish I knew but I sure am proud that we did!  I hope he stays that way even when we are no longer around.