Wedding Advice from Fr. James B. Reuter, SJ

Last December 31, the year ended together with the passing of a very dear family friend - Fr. James Reuter. To many, he was known as Fr. Jim. To us, he was Tatang, Papa Bear, Pops, and Kamote. He never minded being called those pet names. To his erring kids/students, he called them "my duck!" Hearing those words from him and you knew you were in trouble. But he was a very loving man and would never fail to give us hugs whenever we visited him. All holy masses said by Fr. Reuter came with a general absolution which was great for us. One time, he was asked to say 3pm mass on a Saturday. We asked if this would be an anticipated mass and someone commented that it was much to early to be one. His reply? "The Lord does not keep a stopwatch, this WILL be an anticipated mass."

Our family was among those privileged to have been close to him when he was alive. I say privileged because he is really a holy and inspiring priest. And so, after reading the blog of chuvaness.com where she wrote down the wedding advice given to them by Fr. Reuter, I decided to do the same.

Hubs and I got married in 2006. during that time, he was already sickly and so weren't even sure he could officiate the wedding. Luckily, nothing could stop him from saying no to us. Before he agreed to wed us, he requested to meet with us first. Then like chuvaness, he gave us several pieces of advice which I would like to share with all of you as well.

I hope that these words would help us nurture our marriages. I'm sure he would be happy to know that his messages have been passed on to others. For those who know of him, his remains lie in state at the Church of the Gesu in Ateneo. His remains will be buried tomorrow after the 8am mass.

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1. Never let the sun set down on your anger. To the man, always kiss her goodnight. To the woman, never turn away when he kisses you. If he sulks then the girl should be the one to kiss him but then it means that she is stronger/more than a man than him. It takes a man to be humble;

2. Say sorry. The man should say sorry first. Same principle as #1. The girl cannot court a man so he should be the one;

3. Pray together. Hear mass and take communion together;

4. Whatever unites you is good. Whatever separates you is bad; (this is where the advice to chuvaness comes in that they should always sleep in the same bed/room)

5. Have a single bank account. (Meaning do not have separate accounts. Related to #4 advice). Never fight about money;

6. Never go out alone with someone of the opposite sex other than your spouse. Always bring someone with you. He goes on further to say that even if there is no malice in your part, people who would see you and not know whom you are with could think thoughts about you and that would reflect negatively on you and on your husband.

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Some of you may not agree with some of the things he said but just think about it na rin. These I feel are words of wisdom from a man who was blessed so many lives, including ours and who has experienced marriage albeit second handedly from the people who often run to him for advice (my parents included). As an anecdote, my mom was very close to him even when she was single. After graduating from college, Fr. Reuter helped her discern if she was to enter the convent or not. He officiated my parent's wedding as well and so whenever she and my dad had an argument, she would always run to him to tell him about it.

Tatang, we will miss you for sure but you have done much more than what was expected of you. I am pretty sure Mama Mary has escorted you to heaven by this time and that you are now embarking o a heavenly stage play with your crew up there. Say "hi" to daddy for us and rest assured that we will keep to heart everything that you have taught us.